i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
