i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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