I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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