6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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