In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
