you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
