The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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