I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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