just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
