Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
