he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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