So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
