It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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