i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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