Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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