Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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