Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
