Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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