Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize