im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
