at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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