I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
