I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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