I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
