Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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