i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize