woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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