hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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