even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
