i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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