Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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