this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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