I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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