Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
