Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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