we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
