He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
