i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
