i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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