I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
