how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
