My Higher Power is John Stamos
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
