she looked like the bat from fern gully.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
