we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize