I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
