i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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