I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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