You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
