I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
