Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
