I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
