He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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