too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so let's talk penis.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Randomize