I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize