Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
