YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
