does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
