The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
