garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is my gift to your gina
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
