he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
