this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize