I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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