Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
