Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
