8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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