Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
