apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
