I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You left your phone here
Wait...
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