why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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