its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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