So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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