Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Four minutes until I can fart!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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