fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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