Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
