You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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