why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
